Running low on many things.
I am really sick of this. ARGH! So many thoughts to consolidate, but I feel so lost. I don’t know where to start.
First of all, nothing good is coming out of this week, and the previous week. Had guard duty which is meant to be punishment, but they randomly selected me to be one of these people. Then there went my book-out. My weekend flew out the window.
Then I have this cough. This cough is not helping me to train well and properly, and at the same time, not bad enough so that I can see the doctor. Surviving on left over medicine now.
Then, this week is suppose to be a Friday bookout day, then they decided to change it to a Saturday. So, this week, I’ll be booking out on a saturday.
There are so many more things that I am thinking about right now. Like where God wants me to go in this army life. What am I suppose to do, think, and feel.
Then I feel like I have unspoken expectations to meet. Everyone has been telling me about this and about that about army, and I feel like a statue of “What-Jarrold-Should-Be” has been carved out and placed on a stand for everyone to see.
Anyone who reads this, please don’t let my thoughts affect your faith or whatever in me. I mean, I am still the Jarrold you know and stuff, but where I am now, is different from what you think I am in.
Don’t know if that makes sense, and I don’t even know if I understand myself. You might say “Pray, Read the Bible, etc..” And I KNOW that. Of course I do, and I do that when I can, but more than just this I am struggling with the idea of this too.
I am not backsliding, just put in an uncomfortable position. I don’t want to compromise, but…. you know. nah. You don’t.
I know when I am out of this storm, I will probably look back and say God was good, and etc. But even though sailors talk about storms, they don’t sail INTO storms to later talk about them.
Similarly, I never intended to sail into this storm, and I don’t know when I’ll see the sun again.
Aya. enough of my woes and whatever.
I know God is still good, but its just hard to grasp it now, with the lightning and clouds all around.
